When relationships “don't work”, the problem is usually not you as a person but a recurring pattern: avoiding conversations, a lack of boundaries, fear of rejection or difficulty talking about your needs. Start with one relationship and one change: a clear request or calmly setting a boundary.

Difficulties in relationships can hurt because they touch something deeply human: the need for closeness, acceptance and safety.

What can problems in relationships look like?

  • frequent conflicts or the “silent treatment”,
  • a feeling that “it's always me who has to” or that “nobody listens to me”,
  • difficulty trusting,
  • withdrawing when things get close,
  • fear of being judged and adapting to others too much.

The most common causes: patterns, boundaries, communication

Relationships are a mixture of history, habits and emotions. The same mechanisms often return: avoiding difficult conversations, putting off boundaries, guessing instead of asking. The good news: this can be practised.

3 concrete steps that help “from tomorrow”

  1. An “I” message: “I feel… when… and I need…” instead of accusations.
  2. One request instead of a list of grievances: brief and specific.
  3. A boundary + an alternative: “I can't today. I can tomorrow at 6 p.m.”

ACT: how to be in a relationship in line with your values

In relationships it is easy to slip into automatic responses: attack, flight, freeze. In ACT we return to the question: what kind of partner / friend do I want to be? and we choose behaviours that support that – even when emotions are difficult.

When is it worth talking to a psychologist?

If the patterns repeat in many relationships and conversations end in tension or withdrawal, a consultation helps you see the mechanisms and practise new ways of communicating and setting boundaries.

If you would like to look at this calmly and step by step, you can book a consultation. See the services and get in touch. If the topic concerns relationships, also take a look at: relationships and closeness.

FAQ – problems in interpersonal relationships

Do problems in relationships mean that I'm “bad with people”?
No. They often mean that you lack communication tools or that you are acting from old patterns. These can be learned.
How can I talk about my needs without causing an argument?
Briefly, specifically and without judgement: “I would like…”. Choose a calm moment and speak about yourself, not about “what someone is doing wrong”.
What if I'm afraid of setting boundaries?
That is common. Start with small boundaries and a kind tone. Boundaries protect a relationship – they do not have to destroy it.
Can one person improve a relationship?
They can improve the dynamic: change how they speak, set boundaries, stop adding fuel to the fire. This does not give you control over the other person, but it often helps.

This content is for information purposes only and does not replace an individual medical or psychological consultation.

Natalia Kostusiak, MA – psychologist
Natalia Kostusiak, MA • Psychologist
Author of psychoeducational articles that promote knowledge about mental health.