If you feel that your emotions are getting out of control, start with two things: lower the tension in your body (breathing/grounding/movement) and delay your reaction by 90 seconds. That is often enough to avoid doing something on “autopilot”. Afterwards, it is worth checking what is overloading you and how to look after your resources.

Many people come to a psychologist not because they “have a character problem”, but because they are already at the limit of their resources.

What does it look like in practice?

“I can't control my emotions” can mean outbursts of anger, crying, impulsive messages, and sometimes freezing and withdrawal. It is not proof of “weakness” – it is often a signal of overload.

What most often stands behind losing control

  • overload (too many duties, too little rest),
  • unexpressed emotions (“held” inside for a long time),
  • lack of boundaries and chronically adapting to others,
  • stress and tension in the body,
  • rumination (constantly “grinding” through thoughts).

The “STOP” plan for a moment of strong emotion

Stop – pause for 3 seconds.

Take a breath – 3 slow exhales.

Observe – what am I feeling? where in my body? what do I need?

Proceed with one step – the smallest safe decision for now (e.g. a break, a walk, postponing the conversation).

ACT: how to make room for emotions instead of fighting them

In ACT we learn to notice emotions and thoughts as phenomena that come and go. They do not have to steer your actions. Mindfulness practice helps, as does the question: “which step is in line with who I want to be?”.

When is it worth talking to a psychologist?

If outbursts or strong reactions happen often, damage your relationships or affect your work, a consultation helps you find the sources of overload, work out emotion regulation and specific strategies for difficult moments.

If you would like to look at this calmly and step by step, you can book a consultation. See the services and get in touch. You can also take a look at: wellbeing and mental health and stress and anxiety.

FAQ – when emotions get out of control

Does “not being in control of my emotions” go away by itself?
Sometimes, yes, if it was a short-term overload. If, however, the situation lasts for weeks, you usually need to change habits, rest and find new ways of regulating.
What should I do when anger comes suddenly?
First lower the tension in your body (breathing/movement/grounding), then delay your reaction. Anger can be information about boundaries or needs.
Can emotion regulation be learned?
Yes. It is a set of skills – from recognising signals from the body to communication and looking after your resources.
How should I talk after an outburst?
Briefly: “I'm sorry for how I said it. I was overloaded. I want to come back to the subject more calmly.” And it is worth planning what will help next time.

This content is for information purposes only and does not replace an individual medical or psychological consultation.

Natalia Kostusiak, MA – psychologist
Natalia Kostusiak, MA • Psychologist
Author of psychoeducational articles that promote knowledge about mental health.